Sooooo...we had our meeting with Charlotte's teacher on Tuesday. She started with Charlotte's strengths which were no surprise, very social, loves having friends, very funny and loving, and very advanced with her motor skills. We felt very proud because she is a very fun and loving kid. The teacher has also mentioned her verbal skills have improved, and her ability to concentrate on an activity have greatly improved. That's great!
Then the teacher brings up the areas of concern. Charlotte's "areas of concern" are what we've been occupied with for the last two days. The teacher is still concerned about her verbal skills because they are still lagging. She is also quite concerned with what she calls Charlotte's rate of compliance. So basically at this age most kids will do something you ask them to do about 80% of the time...and she didn't put a number on it but she said Charlotte's compliance is very low. Well.....not a surprise to us, but I think it alarmed me how concerned my teacher seemed. Since about age 2 1/2 Charlotte has become quite a challenge and her "defiance" has ramped up quickly. The teacher mentioned that we are "the best read and researched parents she has"...and that felt good to hear. I think it is a product of needing to be in order to find workarounds for Charlotte's behavior. I think in the back of my mind I felt that this was just her temperament and she would slowly grow out of it. The teacher expressed that if we don't address it now it could be a hindrance for her as she gets older and enters kindergarten. Kids that say "no" to almost every request, are just plain difficult to work with and difficult to teach. I can see her being labeled a "bad kid."
The teacher and I talked about different avenues or options to try to get the help Charlotte needs with her verbal skills and behavioral issues. So we are diving 100% into it. The school expressed concern earlier about her verbal skills, but she seemed to be improving....so my husband and I backed off.
But now I think we need to pursue this to the end. What is the harm in getting her more help than she needs?
I was actually more concerned with her low rate of compliance. I thought about Dr. Markham's book and how it has helped me learn to let go of a lot of frustration and anger, and work on creating a bond through play. However I think Charlotte's behavior has fallen outside of the scope of her book.
I started researching on the internet this morning about low compliance behavioral issues. It is the most common behavioral issue...well that makes sense kids are always saying no and learning their boundaries.
So my research produced a very good find. Actually on an autism website called "I Love ABA",(no I haven't figured out what ABA means yet...something to do with autism) I found a step-by-step guide for "3 Step Prompting."
So in a nutshell...every task is broken down into three steps: 1. Tell 2. Show 3. Do. So 1. make the request/demand (not question) 2. If no compliance then demonstrate for the child what you want them to do while repeating the request 3. If no compliance, then assist them physically in completing the task. Sounds pretty simple. The author of the website said the key is your tone of voice (neutral), your consistency, and your ability to only do those three steps and don't try to supplement.
After talking to Art, I immediately started trying this with Charlotte. I don't want to wait around for months to see if a doctor can help us, if we can do it ourselves. We will also reach out to our private insurance for speech therapy as well has her behavior, but I want to see if we can't find a solution for ourselves.
I think that I am already seeing positive changes...Charlotte definitely knows something has changed. It is too early to know if this will be successful. We'll keep you posted!
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